I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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