Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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