I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
