Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
