It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
