i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Dear god my vagina.
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