I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize