His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
