Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
