Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's official drugs can't kill me
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
