Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
