I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
