i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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