Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
