is your mom at the bar?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
