Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
