Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
