Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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