we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
