you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
