Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
