Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
