Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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