I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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