WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
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Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
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I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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