she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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