Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
