you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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