at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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