her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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