watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
