So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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