i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
