I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
