before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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