did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
