I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
