Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
