You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
