i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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