well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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