dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
