I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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