Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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