So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
