Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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