You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
