does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
