Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
