Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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