Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
