My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
