My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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