He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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