Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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