I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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