it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
