I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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