my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
