She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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