Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
