let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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