69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
