bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
