Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
