My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
