So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
